On Sunday night, before bed, I made sure to turn off any app notifications before logging out. A double wall of protection, preventing any updates from sneaking through. When I awoke on Monday morning, I went about business as usual. Morning meditation, free writing, and training at the gym. Logging onto social media wasn’t a thought in my mind, or so I thought. It seems that my subconscious had other plans for me.
I was sitting in the park, enjoying my afternoon, when I caught myself, phone in hand, completely unaware of what I was doing. As if awaking from a dream, I saw that my thumb was hovering over the little IG icon. I dropped my phone on the ground in shock. How was it that I had almost mindlessly blown my entire experiment? Even more bothersome, the mental fog had made me completely unaware of what I was doing. It was as if my mind and my body were in complete disconnect.
I started thinking about how this could possibly be.
- Was I so accustomed to scrolling that it had become a mindless act for me?
- Perhaps it was the repetition that made my body perform the act without mental instruction?
- Or, was it simply, that I had not been truly present in the moment and had let autopilot takeover on that sunny afternoon?
I couldn’t fathom the thought that I wasn’t truly living. One of my biggest fears is living on autopilot. Quickly, I positioned myself in a half lotus position and began to focus on the breath. I allowed myself, my awareness, to fall behind my thoughts and begin to observe the minds useless chatter. When I finished my meditation, I felt as if the fog had lifted. I had returned to my seat of consciousness.
Instead of dwelling on what had happened, I allowed myself to let go and remain present. My intent for the remainder of the week was to be as conscious as I possibly could be. To allow life to unfold around me, simply observing what happened. No attempts to control or change the situation.
I felt lighter in the chest. Free of any previous worry. When I began to notice my mental chatter, instead of letting any emotions stir, I let it flow through me. Focusing on my breath, and remaining in my seat of awareness. For the remainder of the week, I didn’t have any other thoughts of social media. I was simply living, and enjoying my life.
As the week came to a close, I began to reflect upon my experience. Why would I want to spend my down time transfixing my awareness on a little screen, observing the highlight reel of other peoples lives, when I could simply live my own? Did I consider this to be a success? Yes. Was I going to limit the amount of time I spent on social media? Absolutely.
And with that thought, I kept my notifications turned off, and my spiritual awareness on.